December 4, 2010 at 12:38 am 3 comments

In my best Andy Kaufman voice, “I’m sorry, I’m soooorrry I’m sooooooorrrry.” My bloggery has essentially plummeted off the cliff, and with each week, and then month of passing silence, it just seems impossible to pick up the torch again, as if the mounting pressure of my silence makes that next blog post ever more difficult to produce, because of the profundity I feel is required (oh humor me, I know all 8 of you remaining readers tune in for the photos alone – won’t anyone use that old Playboy line, “I read it for the articles!”).

Anyway – there’s a lot of water under the bridge, a lot of owed photos, a lot of growing up that’s happened. The boys turned two last week, (twoooooo), and the age begs the age-old question, what’s sooo terrible about two? People HAVE actually asked us that, recently, especially when confronted with the unremitting cuteness and silliness that is our psycho-electric troika. So I imagined a blog post that just unpacked the issues at hand, the difficulties and the challenges, so that subsequent questioners could just be referred to the URL, you know? Because it’s like, yes, we get how incredibly cute they are, especially when dancing to Louis Armstrong or making the sounds of barnyard animals. But you know, whoever dreamed up the term Terrible Two wasn’t entirely kidding around. I think I feel this most accutely at that moment, sitting at the kitchen meal table, when we’ve let the boys sit with their half-eaten plates just a fraction of a second too long. Realization comes, but there is no recourse. Pablo is probably the most dramatic in this regard. Suddenly, he’ll lift his plate in the air, swirl it around his head several times before hurling it and all its sundry contents across the room, remnants flying every which way. And it’s at that juncture that the hapless parent (or pair thereof) thinks, oh, now’s about the time, but of course it’s too late because the example’s been set, and the other spawnlets are making their own Statements, throwing silverware this way and plate matter that, decorating the aging linoleum floor with apple sauce bits, latke-fragments (tis the season), milk (don’t think the milk doesn’t go a-sailin’), and who knows what-all-else. If you’re alone minding this talented and fearsome threesome, your task is to get them out of the kitchen and into the safer confines of the living room, keep them from scratching or eating one another, and perhaps, hopefully, begin the rather thankless and grueling task of picking up the pieces. But should you attempt that, you’ll invariably hear the deathly moans of one outnumbered or outmaneuvered saxlet, stuck behind the couch, or teetering on the piano bench, or recently abused by one of his ever-capable siblings.

You’ve done two. You who question. Had a two-year-old, maybe even a couple, maybe even a bagful. It’s the all-at-the-same-timeness of it, as well as, let’s be honest, the boyness of it, that makes it seem at any given moment like your head might just explode for lack of oxygen. We just weighed the tots – two year physical and all (they grow and thrive, preemies my arse) – and in sum they constitute 90 pounds of senseless energy and fury, cute sure, but celebratorily destructive as well. Strong-willed, rife with personality, or should I say, “personality” (the scare-quotes indicate the tone of voice we use when that noun modifies a rattled painting, a frightened cat, a hurled sippy, a bitten brother, a shattered bowl, a smooshed banana, a soiled face, etc.), our spawnly brood is 90 pounds of pure kinetic mischief. And don’t get me wrong – I ADMIRE them for it! The sheer chutzpah of their mad endeavors, the sense that they not only hold all the strings, but also three pairs of scissors, it’s flat out ballsy. But I am also sleepwalking through life, barely, barely hanging on, and I’m the member of the team that gets to leave a lot more often, gets to spend hours of uncomplicated respite in that resort hotel called Job. Downtime of the keeper of the fort consists only of that solitary nap (2-3 hours in the afternoon), and a bedtime that grows sneakily later all the while.

Don’t take my word for it. Send a self-addressed stamped crate, and I will return it to you with three bouncing baby terrorists, eager to spend a lovely month redecorating your home and reconfiguring your sanity. I ask only that you change and feed them regularly, and send them back with accounting and carpentry skills.

They’re still a sight to behold in the morning. And Al and I do very much treasure the festival of banging, screaming and laughing that inaugurates each new spin on the axis. I will post pictures and videos sometime and you’ll swoon as you do, and as WE do too, honestly. But man, I’ll tell you, it ain’t easy.


Entry filed under: update.

August Photo dump part 2 Swingtime

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. erinclot  |  December 4, 2010 at 8:49 am

    We’ve just recently reached the strange land of Two with our once darling twosome ourselves. It ain’t pretty on this side of the 24 month mark. Some nights I look for the switch that will turn all the crazy off, but they don’t seem to have a demo mode.

  • 2. Nina  |  December 7, 2010 at 12:04 am

    This is a really beautiful post. It has stayed with me since you first posted. Hang in bro! Good to have you back.

  • 3. Charlotte  |  December 14, 2010 at 10:05 pm

    Oh, Dan.

    I am speeeeeeeeeeechless.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback this post  |  Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 13 other followers

December 2010
« Aug   Feb »
Vote For Us @ TopBaby Blogs! The Best Baby Blog Directory



Blog Stats

  • 70,090 hits

Top Clicks

  • None

%d bloggers like this: