midnight special

December 15, 2008 at 10:53 am 5 comments

Anyone could tell you that I ought to be in bed, instead of trolling through the cupboards hoping against hope that one of last season’s stray Mallomars, or maybe just an ounce of scotch, would somehow materialize if I just look and want badly enough. We ran out of sterilized jars – milk jars (and we still haven’t seen Milk, sad to say) – and there was no good alternative but to drive to the hospital at midnight, break up the late-night high-stakes nurse poker game, peek quickly at the boys, stuff a paper bag full of jars, and then drive glumly back home. Glumly because as delightful a portrait as I’ve painted of hospital living, there are days when you wish the little critters were right there beside you, sleeping and squeaking, babbling in that pre-verbal, even pre-infantile gurglese that seems already so incredibly purposeful. It wears on you, or I should say, on us, after a while, to leave these boys behind each night, for someone else to pour milk down their noses (and in Pablo’s case, occasionally down his mouth too since he’s now allowed one bottle per night). 

Alex herself is sleeping sweetly, having earned another day’s obliterating exhaustion. I’ll wake her right before I crawl into bed with the sad news that her time has come again, and she’ll fire up the mechanical yellow vampire, sit up half-fried, staring vacantly ahead as all that is good and noble is leached from her, only to regenerate again in the subsequent veritable marathon (4 hours) of sleep. And yet the nights are peaceful and even a touch magical. I, in my slothfulness, lay comatose as I hear the machine humming. I suppose I am cognizant of Alex’s looming shadow, just as I imagine Satch, Pabs and Levi sense our shadowy dealings at times. I know that my part in the drama comes next, and I cling to the sacred moments of sleep (the ones I’m now wasting, writing here) that remain until Alex gently nudges me and I waltz into action, doing whatever it is I do and trying to remain essentially unconscious. It’s a little ballet, and she’s got the lead. I hope to support well, but I am slothful and a behemoth in the 4am sack, and do my job with my own brand of preverbal grunting and infantile whimpering. Happily, I find Alex knocked out, inevitably, on my return, and the dance begins anew. 

Tomorrow I’m off for school, final exams, and I’ll drop Alex at the clink bright and early. We now transition to the overnights, the 2am and 5am feedings and changings. At least for a little bit. A chance for a taste of what’s to come as our boys amble on towards personhood. Pablo, I’m convinced, will be 5 lbs. tomorrow. Levi’s at 4 and 5 (oz), and even little ole Satch is 4 and 2. I have a bevy, a bevy I tell you, of photos that you would just swoon over. Believe me, you’d see no better cuteness to noise ratio all day, but those will have to wait. The nurses – and many of my old friends – say that I ought to sleep. Join in with Alex and Judy, and for all I can guess our little elves, in doing the most important job of all. Sleep. Grow. REM. Regenerate. Learn. Process. Cope. Heal. Defend. I’ll do it. But just one Mallomar first please?


Entry filed under: update.

And now for something completely different… camping out

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Janne Tolonen  |  December 15, 2008 at 11:03 pm

    I believe that the day your boys come home, you will sleep instead of writing this great blog for us!
    So I hope this blog will stop soon… 😉

  • 2. Cat Anderson  |  December 16, 2008 at 1:24 am

    Ok Dan-0. Who is Zebra? Lion? Jaguar? I just caught the “one has his emblem” moment–and saw the shadow of the zebra–but dag nab it did I miss the post when you said who is who?

    So looking forward to the discharge day photos!

    xxxx splat

  • 3. Mag  |  December 16, 2008 at 2:21 am

    I’m thinking that there aren’t too many people who know that you actually NEVER slept — not even as an infant. No naps ever. A few hours a night. Your father was exactly the same kind of non-sleeper. Oh I do hope your 3 sons do not take after you in this regard….

  • 4. shnootre  |  December 16, 2008 at 2:37 am

    Let’s see:

    Janne – you are probably right. Oh, and then there’s that opera I’m supposed to be finishing…

    Cat: Coincidentally, they’re listed on our logo in birth order, that is to say: Satchel, Pablo, Levi. It wasn’t initially the animals, but the colors – and the color code will be strictly observed. Satchel = Yellow (or brown, red, and everything, basically, that isn’t:) Pablo = blue; Levi = green. (note that the logo was up BEFORE the boys were born, which means before the birth order was even determined!)

    Mag: That’s SO interesting. Because I really do find sleeping a nuisance. If my boys ARE that way, I guess I’ll at least have someone to keep me company?

  • 5. Burd  |  December 16, 2008 at 6:54 pm

    Is this young Dannumspoo?? HAHAHAHA


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